Do you ever have one of those days where you clock in at work at 8a, and all of a sudden it’s quitting time? Today was one of those days, and since quitting time didn’t come until 6p, it’s safe to say I was exhausted when I finally made it home.
It’s also safe to say that I was craving cookies something fierce.
These two events are pretty standard in my life. I’m still trying to figure out if they are related. In any case, my cookie craving is pretty celebrated around these parts, since it generally results in delicious (slightly burnt or undercooked) desserts for my friends and family.
That’s where these babies come in. Slightly burnt around the edges, but that just adds even more character to the exciting blend of coconut flakes, mini chocolate chips, and chewy oatmeal. I swear one of these days I will figure out how to properly bake things in my uneven oven. …But wait! There’s more!
It’s autumn guys. Do you know what this means? It means PUMPKIN.
This weekend I took a trip up to the lovely little town of North Conway, NH. Of course it was grey and raining and cold and I had wet toes and frizzy hair and there was not a hint of crisp autumn air for miles. But I still could not get pumpkin things out of my head. I had a can waiting for me at home and I was going to bake the crap out of that baby!
Despite the rain, it was a successful weekend away from the generally boring tasks that are my weekends at home. Especially rewarding was the trip to Zeb’s General Store where I picked up these little guys: S’mores on a Stix from RHD Candy, based in Lancaster, NH; and Annie B’s Caramels, in Pumpkin and Amaretto.
Seriously. So, so good. They’ve just further fueled by obsession with all things autumn. …But wait! There’s more!
Lately I have been hearing quite a bit of negative talk surrounding people who are overweight – specifically women. I know that this kind of talk is everywhere. It invades every aspect of our lives. I just find myself particularly aware of it as of recent.
That’s probably because I’m beginning to develop my own little pooch belly – a white chocolate macadamia cupcake belly, if you will – but that’s beside the point.
The point here is that I just want to tell everyone to shut the heck up!!
Maybe I’m more aware lately, because I know that I have been lazy with my workouts (read: not working out at all unless you count trucking up and down to my 3rd floor apartment) and I know that I have been giving in to
little indulgences more often than not. But in general, I think people carrying a little extra get knocked down way too often.
Maybe because I have been there. Yes, hello, my name is Emily and I was a fat girl!!
In truth, I still feel like a fat girl more often than not. These days, I’m at a healthy weight, with an active lifestyle. I’m happier than I have ever been. But I am still uncomfortable wearing two-piece swimsuits and I still feel like I need to order rabbit food when I’m out in public so as not to confirm the stereotype that heavy people eat bad things. I still struggle every. single day.
And I think back to when I was at my worst moments and the things that stick out the most are the hurtful things people said to me; the hurtful comparisons made between my size 12 baby-makin’ hips (yes, someone referred to them that way when I was in highschool – what the hell, right?) and another girl’s cross-country runner body. Every time this happened, there was just one thing I thought: I don’t need this.
Right now, I just don’t need this. Not at this particular moment. Not today. Not ever. I do not need you to criticize me, to make me feel bad in order to motivate me to hit the gym, to wish that I would look the way you want me to look. I need you to shut the heck up about it. I need you to pretend there is nothing different about me, nothing wrong with me.
And I’ll be honest, it wasn’t until I hit my wise old age of 22 that I realized something: there really is nothing wrong with me.
So what if I just inhaled a giant bowl of creamy butternut squash soup with a giant multigrain roll on the side? So what if half the reason I love baking so much is simply for the raw cookie dough? So what if some days I don’t change out of my yoga pants and I scoop peanut butter straight from the jar and I watch reruns of Cupcake Wars and Say Yes to the Dress all day? So what?
I wish I could sit down every person I pass on the street that looks just like I did – scared of his or her own shadow – and tell them this. You are perfect the way you are. You deserve to be happy because you are YOU. You have a million and two amazing things about you, and the world needs those things, regardless. Whether you are six feet tall or four feet short. Whether you wear heels and skirts or jeans and dirty sneakers. Whether you play sports or video games or make a life putting together 1,000 piece puzzles. Regardless.
I wish that when I was a bit younger, someone had done this for me. Anyone really. A stranger on the street, even. I wish someone had told me I was okay, and that one day I would believe it for myself.
Oh, hi there! I’m Emily.
It’s so nice to meet you!
I’m glad you’ve stumbled upon my little corner of the world. I do hope you’ll stick around for a little while. We could be the best of friends!
But first, I should tell you a little bit about myself. Feel free to comment below, and share a bit about yourself, too. If there is one thing in this world that I love almost as much as eating peanut butter from the jar, it’s meeting new people.
My name is Emily and I am a wannabe blogger. I have lurked the internet for years, obsessively following foodblogs and subsequently dreaming of the day that I could trade in my 9-to-5 to bake serious cupcakes to share with the world. I suppose the first step in that would be to actually start a blog – hence, Cranberry Bubbles.
Hopefully, this blog will be about more than baking. As much as I dream of one day baking the perfect chocolate chip cookie, (seriously, can someone tell me how to get a cookie to crisp up on the edges and stay soft in the center?) there is quite a bit more to my life than sugar and butter. And while sometimes I wish I could delete everything and live in a world of desserts, I think it’s fair to say that baking is just one of the many little joys that help me survive the somewhat organized chaos of my early 20s.
If you really want to get to know me, I think it’s the little things you should learn first:
1) I love making lists. I do it often. Every day. Grocery lists, to-do lists, ingredient lists – I find it hard to understand my world unless it is numbered.
2) I am quite possibly the most impatient person on this planet. Like, can’t wait the 5 minutes for chocolate chips to melt on the stove without pouting and making my boyfriend take over impatient.
3) I am a fake vegetarian. Or, more accurately, I am always assumed to be a vegetarian, when the truth is really that I could probably only be a vegetarian if I stopped being in love with bacon so much. I do have an affinity for red bell peppers and every fruit I can get my hands on, though, and I tend to stick with basic meals made of these ingredients (and hot sauce. on everything.) Just because I don’t dig steak every day doesn’t mean I don’t eat red meat!
4) I am a font snob. Seriously, comic sans?
5) I am not the most logical person you will ever meet. In fact, I’m generally not that logical at all. I’m what you might call an emotionalist. (Yes, that’s a word!)
6) I love everything. Specifically, I love: laughing until my eyes water; listening to quiet music while wrapped in a blanket on rainy days; reading novels that make me think or act or both; when you catch a stranger’s eye on the street and you both smile; unexpected sales at the grocery store; sidewalk chalk hopscotch; the smell of clean laundry and lemons (separately, although I suppose there are worst combinations); moments that are humbling; the feel of the first cool autumn day (for those of you in New England, you know what’s up!); vanilla coffee; interesting front doors; connecting with someone you never thought you’d share a commonality with; anything involving cranberry; blowing bubbles in the sunshine.
That should about cover it in the category of essential things to know. Oh, and one last thing:
You have met me at a weird time in my life. Mostly, because I’ve just realized that I don’t know a thing about anything, and partly because I’ve just decided I’m okay with it (most of the time). I’m going to do my best to navigate the rest of my life, but I highly doubt it will be smooth sailing. I’ll probably end up telling you about a lot of things that happen: recipe disasters and workplace lessons and fashion faux pas.
I’m really excited to have you as a new friend, to share in these little moments. After all, it’s the little things that help us survive in this big picture of a world.